A Wife with Nowhere Else to Turn!

Here's a phone message I received from a woman who spoke to my wife seeking the help of 'Etsah Ministries:

I'd like to talk to you about my husband. I guess you spoke to him on the phone already, but I just wanted to be sure that you were aware of the whole situation that is going on. I will call you back when I have time when my husband is not around. Please don't call me back because I don't want him to know that I'm talking to you. I never know when he is going to be here or not.

I just want you to be able to see things from my side, to get my input. Maybe we could both come for marriage counseling to you and your wife, but I would need you to initiate that. I just don't think he's going to be completely honest with you. He hasn't been with anybody else. And without you knowing what's really going on how is my husband going to get any help?

He doesn't take advantage of what is available to him whenever he goes to counseling. I just feel like this is my last resort. I'm just very, very desperate for help. There's just other things involved here, you know, there's abuse, you know physical, emotional, mental, that goes along with his addictive history, the lying, the cheating, the mistrust, there's just so many issues. I wouldn't even know where to begin but I firmly believe that they all tie together.

I am afraid for him to find out that I've been going behind his back to talk to you guys. I'm very much afraid of that. That's my main concern, but there's got to be a way that I can get counseling with him and for him to get the one on ones. You know he says he's going to meetings, he uses them as an excuse to leave, but he doesn't even go to the meetings. He goes into the city or wherever.

I'm so sorry to bother you. I don't want to be a burden on you guys. Your wife said that you might be able to give me some words of encouragement or just tell me some things. But thank you for taking this on because I don't know where else to turn to.

Then by the next morning I had this text message:

Hi Dave. I need to talk to you! I need to get counseling for myself! My hsuband makes me feel like I am the one who is crazy and I can't take it anymore! I need help!

One of the things that we teach in our ministry to addictions is that THERE ARE NO FUNCTIONAL ADDICTS! There may be "functioning" addicts who are holding a job, or holding on to a marriage, a family or a home. BUT when you talk to the other members of the family who are not addicts they describe a very dysfunctional lifestyle!

This is a classical example of dysfunction in a marriage in addiction. The first 3 steps of the 12 steps are a key area to start in ministering into this husband, his wife, and his family. My role is to help this husband see that his life has become unmanageable and that he is powerless over his addiction (step one), that only God can restore sanity to him and his family (step two) and that this will only work if he decides to turn his will and his life over to the care of God (step three). That means to decide to become a Godly man, a man of God, and to begin making Godly decisions and living by the standards that God outlines in His Word.